A Very Redneck Christmas

So, the other day, we managed to put up our tree! Keep in mind, this thing is OLD and we don't have all the pieces... ever. The levels of branches are alphabetized and we never seem to have enough E's. Why don't we ever have the E's???

Anyway, the tree isn't exactly what you'd call... stable. So, to keep it in place, we tied it to the blinds behind it with... fishing wire.

Not sure if you can really see it, but it's there. It was a pain in the butt to tie.

All very redneck, don't you think? At least we didn't hang the fish on the tree and top if off with a John Deer hat, right? 

So, today was a good day. I did nothing and it was AWESOME. I rarely get a day to do nothing. We always have somewhere to go, but if you asked where it is we go all the time, I can't honestly provide an answer. There's just always something to do. But I'm perfectly content to sit on the couch all day and read Jane Eyre (I'm tackling the classics this year in school) or watch Cars. I'm a HUGE sucker for an animated movie. 

All in all, I didn't do anything horribly entertaining today, but I had a good day. =]

Random Facts and Personal Aspirations!

 One thing I forgot to put in yesterday’s entry: Katie (my sister) and I made lemon cheesecake! I was instructed to blend the cake mix, eggs, cream cheese, and sugar and I suddenly saw a deadly fate for my new white hoodie that I love so much and bought at American Eagle. (In the same shopping trip, while leaving Aeropostàle, the check-out guy was checking out my butt. I know this because he said “Happy Thanksgiving!” and I turned around to say “You too!” and his eyes were a bit too low. Maybe the back of my head is lower than I remember.)

 Anyway, it did not end disastrously! The cheesecake ended up in the bowl, and later, in my stomach.

 Let’s start with personal aspirations.

 1) Buy a cute little girl a fancy dress. Every girl wants to be a princess right?

 2) Adopt a Rottweiler and name him Baron von Blitzkrieg. A strong German dog deserves a strong German name.

 3) Go coneing or planking once in my lifetime. I don’t do anything fun or spontaneous like that.

 4) Invade a Krispy Kreme factory with my three best friends, armed with Nerf guns. We’ll give the workers an ultimatum: your doughnuts or your life. We’ll probably get arrested, though.

 5) Get married at Berkeley Plantation in southern Virginia. (I know, sappy and sentimental. But I had to get it in there.) I’m going to need a boyfriend first.

 6) Adopt an owl and name him Cletis.

 7) Marry Cletis because this “boyfriend” thing ain’t happening anytime soon.

 8) Visit Russia. Maybe live there. Who knows!

 Random facts!

 You know the lingerie store Victoria’s Secret? Well it wasn’t called “Victoria’s Secret” because the name was cool. The secret is that Victoria is a boy. Or so I’ve heard.

 The guy who invented Crayola was blind. Or so I’ve heard.

 Before I fall asleep at night, my mind puts together random words into sentences. Some of those sentences include: God drives a medical engine. Jesus uses the garden hose. Sometimes, yogurt speaks English. Don’t worry, management people of North Carolina! (I am one hundred percent serious. This happens on a regular basis.)

 Your ears and nose never stop growing.

 Bananas are herbs.

 The Revolutionary War and the Civil War both ended in Virginia. However, South Carolina started the Civil War in all respects. They were first to secede and the first official shots were fired at Fort Sumter which is on an island. The first land battle was in Manassas, Virginia.

 It takes a mile for a train to stop.

 Cats is one of the longest running Broadway musicals. But Phantom of the Opera has it beat, as it is still running and Cats ended in like, the 80s or 90s.

 My best friend can sing opera. Sort of.

 I know someone who can break dance. (Who doesn’t?)

 I also know someone who can rap better than any famous rapper! Legit.

 Scientists believe they have found a planet that has water on it. It’s called Gliese 581G and can be seen in the constellation Libra.

 Dolphins can paint. So can elephants.

 Contrary to popular belief, vampires do not sparkle.

 Also contrary to popular belief, vampires do not exist.

 Scary people come from Eastern Europe (i.e. Vlad the Impaler and Ivan the Terrible.) I can make racist jokes like this because I am, in fact, Russian. I’m German, too, so… Nazis!

 Ivan the Terrible ordered the construction of St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow. After that, he blinded the architect because he didn’t want anyone to build something as spectacular again.

 Judy Garland was only sixteen when she starred in the Wizard of Oz. Movie makers also considered Shirley Temple for the role.

 The Germans were the first to make us of the Christmas tree, or Tannenbaum.

 Fish can drown.

 Children have more taste buds than adults. So stop complaining when they say that they don’t like the broccoli.

 Chickens outnumber people in this world. Scary, right? Like, if they were smarter, we’d all probably be defeated right now and the world would be run by dinner.

 A strawberry is not an actual berry. I don’t know what it is.

 Pudding is, in fact, delicious. (That one was provided by Katie.)


hehe that was fun to put together. Next post: A Very Redneck Christmas!

Snow Days and Homeschoolers

I, being a homeschooler, have not gotten a snow day since I was like, ten. I always used to ask if I could just take the day off to play outside, but it didn't go over well with my mom. I mean, seriously, it's not like I have to take the bus to school. Unless snow magically appeared on the stairs leading to the kitchen, I was going to have to do some schoolwork.

Not that I'm complaining. On average, (I'm in high school now) it takes me about four to five hours to finish ten subjects. History takes me the longest because I just can't get past the segregationist propaganda. And it's a Christian book. And I'm Christian.

However, chemistry's going well. I learned today that one mole (used to measure mass) of marbles can cover the earth with a layer three miles thick! Or the U.S. with a layer seventy miles thick! Fierce stuff.

Trust me, I learn a lot more than that in chemistry.

I'm also taking German. And to help with the pronunciations, I'm listening to songs in German, namely songs from my favorite musical: Wicked! Or, in Germany: Wicked! Die Hexen von Oz! Turns out the musical is a big hit overseas. It's played in England, Australia, The Netherlands (they use a lot of aa's in their speech) and also Japan... Yea. Japan.

Let's be random for a moment. Anyone ever heard of Simon's Cat? Cute little animated cat that shows up on youtube from time to time? WELL, today, because he's so dang cute, I drew a picture of him and a character (Cletis the Owl) that I came up with myself.

It was ridiculously fun to draw. =]

I went to Chipotle today for lunch. I just love reading the ramble-y sayings they put on the soda cups and takeout bags. They're so entertaining! Today I read one about a man who likes to lick the foil wrapper after he finishes the burrito... yup. I do the same thing. Who doesn't?
And their chips are to die for! But my sister, Katie, didn't want to get them today. I was sad. But then I got my burrito and I was happy! Some foods just make you feel good, ya know?

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only choose three items to have with you on that island, what would you choose? I know what I would choose! A fully-stocked Chipotle restaurant. That's it. Because it has food, shelter, and a bathroom. Would I need anything else? A cell phone, maybe, but why would I want to leave when I have my own personal Chipotle restaurant and no annoying people who are way too picky about what they put on their burritos to get in my way? (True story: today a lady behind me specifically ordered "Only a LITTLE bit of guacamole. Just a little. No, less!" She must have told the poor food-maker guy like five times.) Life would be sweet!

Until I ran out of food. Then I'd die a slow painful death and realize that I should have brought a phone, too, so I could call for help and return to civilization and picky burrito-eaters and have more Chipotle before I die as a very old lady.

What can I say? I'm in love.

OK, tomorrow's post: Random Facts and Personal Aspirations.

Thanks for reading!

Journals...

I'm here to tell anyone who's interested about my life. :)
I'll try to come up with witty, random, completely entertaining, and completely true events/musings to post. So here's the first one:

Anyone notice that a journal is used to jot down those private feelings that you wouldn't say to anyone? Yup, I noticed it too. Funny, I can never be honest in a journal and I find it much easier to post something on a blog where random strangers that I will never pass on the street can read it. I mean, it's not like I'm going see someone who's been keeping up with my entertaining life and they're going to point at me and laugh about how I cried like a baby while watching Titanic. Don't go there. I know you all cried during that movie.

Well that was fun. Let me tell you about my day. I had a lot of weird experiences.

Lately, we've been unearthing all the old Christmas decorations and making the house look festive so I decided to bring up my little three-foot tree and set it up in my room. Normally, this makes me feel so Christmas-y. I put on my fuzzy pajama pants and a comfy sweater and drink hot chocolate while decorating and listening to Christmas music that was recorded in the 40s and no one has bothered to re-record since. But today, it was roughly 68 degrees outside and I thought to myself that it felt more like Halloween. Which was a depressing thought because I had only just gotten back from our annual shopping/Thanksgiving vacation to a cute little town three hours away and nothing does more to get me into the Christmas spirit. (We did not attempt Black Friday shopping. You know, stores intentionally raise the prices so they can lower them on Black Friday, so you're really not saving, you're just risking you life for that cheesy reindeer sweater that you can get for the same price on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's not like your niece is going to like it anyway.)

Later, I found myself reading Dash and Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan and a gnat landed on my open page. Knee-jerk reaction: I blew him off. Hard. And instantly regretted it.
You see, I, being named Natalie, have formed a strange and special bond with gnats. Whenever they land on or near me I name them and watch them until they fly away. Needless to say, I was depressed at this unusual homicidal attempt of mine. But I saw his shadow cross my page only a few minutes later and I felt happy. I think he's taken up residence in my room, though. I've seen him before. I'm OK with the fact that he wants to live with me, honored, really, but for all my eight-legged friends out there: I must stubbornly insist that if you stubbornly insist to live in my house, you must pay rent. And avoid making any personal appearances, in which case I will scream, grab the Raid, and murder you. Or as my dad said, "Make your grandchildren radioactive." Please, also avoid biting my dog as she is twelve years old and we're breaking records here. Also, DO NOT bite my sister. That happened once and she had a rash the size of a watermelon on her leg. Not happening again.
And for the ticks: I have no sympathy for you and will not accept your residence, even if you pay. Go live on the streets.

So after, because the weather was so incredible, my sister and I went out on our ATV where we found a dead possum in the road. It's a little scary thinking that something could be behind you in the dark and you have no idea what it may do to you when it catches up to you. I am not, in fact, afraid of possi (is that the plural?) but when we drove back, we started wondering if it was only just playing dead. Which freaked me out more. My sister then posted a disturbing photo of a possum to my facebook and I will have nightmares. And thus ended my eventfully random day.

Right now I'm watching one of my favorite shows: Mike & Molly. Hilariously entertaining. Molly was just informing us that she enjoyed going to regular baseball games with her father and I started thinking "Don't you just love those family traditions?"

Good stuff.

Hope you found this entertaining!

Next post: Snow days and Homeschoolers