Movies Based on Other Things That Have Totally Ruined the World

(No, I don't mean that "other things" have ruined the world. I mean that the movies based on those things have ruined the world.)

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Busy 'n stuff. Ya know.

So today, I'm going to talk about a few movies who have totally ruined the originals.

Take, for instance, the Lightning Thief.

The movie itself is really good. I saw it before I even read the books. Then I read the books (by Rick Riordan), fell in love with the series, am now an ultimate fan, and realized just how off the movie is.

First, the cast.

I love the picks for Percy and Grover. If you're going to go with an older cast, then those two were definitely great. I don't even have to say how perfect Luke was. But I do have a few complaints about the other characters... like... ANNABETH.

Who is this chick? Seriously? She doesn't even have gray eyes. Unless blue suddenly became gray in the past few years and I totally missed the transition. Not to mention she had STRAIGHT BROWN HAIR instead of CURLY BLOND HAIR. Really. Couldn't you people have gotten Jeannette McCurdy? She would have been perfect! Not to mention Alexandra Daddario is a... well... bad actress. A for effort, though!

Then they just go and get the rest of the movie wrong. Clarisse wasn't even in it. Mr. Brunner was a brown horse. Mr. D. wasn't even in it. Hades was totally the bad guy (even though he was only framed in the books). Ares wasn't in it. Persephone didn't like living in the Underworld (I know that was actually how it was in the myth, but not in the book!)

Bottom line, I was bitter when I saw the movie again after reading the books. But I love them both separately for different reasons.

Then I went and watched The Help. I should have known better! You know who directed The Help? Chris Columbus. You know who directed the Lightning Thief? Chris Columbus. Nuff said.

The next movie that I totally hated was the Last Airbender, based on the Nickelodeon animated series. I'm a huge fan of the series and I watched the movie after seeing only two episodes. I was curious.

I should have known when I saw that the movie was available on InstantPlay for Netflix. That usually means one of three things: the movie is old, the movie is really, really bad, or the movie is low budget. As it turns out, The Last Airbender was two of these three things.

It starts out promising enough. The actors seem to resemble the characters in the series pretty well. Then they open their mouths. What. The. Heck. Jackson Rathbone (Imma be honest here) is just a really blah actor. I mean, have you seen him in Twilight? He's like grade-A creeper in that movie. And he's just as creepy as Sokka. And where was the sarcasm? After only two episodes, I deduced that Sokka is an extremely sarcastic, hilarious character. There was absolutely no sarcasm in the movie. Sokka's even admitted that that's pretty much all he has. And what was up with the mispronunciation of his name? If it were to be pronounced So-ka it would have been spelled Soka. It's basic English. If you want a long O in there, there can only be one K. But because there are two K's, it's pronounced Saw-ka. Really. And what was up with his boomerang? In the show, it looks as if Saw-ka's boomerang could double as a blade. What is the question mark stick that Jackson Rathbone uses?? I don't get it.

Then there's Katara. She looks good enough, looks like the character, but SHE IS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST ACTRESS I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY LIFE. Really, she's just that boring. It's incredible. She tries too hard to be hopeful. And that's pretty much all I have to say about her.

Then we meet Aang. Or, Ong. Who could not be more polar opposite from the Aang in the series. Really. He's serious, and boring, and what the heck was up with those tattoos? It looks like he's part of some sort of satanic cult. And it takes him like three minutes of dancing to bend anything. And he doesn't smile. Like, ever. And Appa? He's the most obviously computer-generated flying bison I have ever seen.

Enter Prince Zuko. Let me just say I absolutely love his character in the series and if he were a real person... mmmmmmm... But that's not the point. I noticed in the series that each element seems to be a different race? of Asian if that makes any sense. Different country, I guess. The Earthbenders are Chinese-inspired (I'm sorry, that just seems really obvious to me). The Firebenders are Japanese. The Airbenders are the Buddhist monks. The Waterbenders are like the eskimos, you get me? I'm pretty sure the only Indian guy in the entire show is the guru from the episode, The Guru. But not in the movie! The entire Firenation is Indian and poor Prince Zuko sat out in the sun too long, as is obvious from the sunburn on the side of his face. Wait, that's supposed to be his scar? My bad.

Seriously! Zuko is like the hottest character ever and they get Dev Patel to play him? Nothing against Dev Patel, he's a really good actor, but he just wasn't Zuko enough!

Then we meet Uncle Iroh. Mother of pancakes. Who the heck was he? He looked like a cross between Barbossa and Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean. And add a little bit of Tia Dalma. What do you get? Uncle Iroh. The fat, happy, tea-loving, completely lovable character that always gets put down by his angry nephew. I was terribly disappointed.

Let me get down to the actual plot. Which isn't much of one. (Let me just say now that I only watched twenty minutes of the movie. It was that bad.) So randomly, this little Earthbender girl runs in, mystically knowing that Aang is the Avatar, and seeks out the trio for help. In come the Firenation soldiers, dragging them all back to prison, Aang looking creepily suspicious in his robes. As it turns out, the Earthbenders have been imprisoned in a valley-type-thing, surrounded by earth and they outnumber the Firebenders like, one hundred to one. Aang boosts their morale, steeling Katara's only potentially inspiring scene and the benders realize, "Hey, maybe we can take out five Firenation soldiers!" However, it takes them ten minutes and ten people to move one rock. I stopped right about there.

So, because I really didn't watch too much of the movie, I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, but what I saw was pretty dang bad. Oh sorry. Pretty dong bad.

Oh, and Toph wasn't even in it. What a let down.

And I didn't even talk about Ozai! I know he wasn't in the first twenty minutes, but I went and watched a review of the movie on YouTube. In the series, Ozai is a maniacal, calculating, fiend who wants nothing more than to rule the world. In the movie, I got the cold, calm, calculating, semi-fiendish Indian guy who mumbles and tries to look crazy. Yup.

I was so disappointed in this movie.

The Russians are Coming! (So is SOPA.)

So, I haven't posted in forever. Do you even remember my name? No? That makes two of us.

 I was somewhat disappointed yesterday when half the internet shut down in protest and only today did I really and truly find out why! (SOPA/PIPA) Obama is trying to spy on us, censor what we post, take over our lives little by little, etc. WE'RE DOOMED.

 And it's not like Mitt Romney is much better. And Newt Gingrich is sort of angry...

 HAS NO ONE NOTICED SANTORUM?

 My life is depressing.

 So, about the title, let me put it this way: I'm Russian. It isn't hard to tell, if you meet me.

 I don't smile. (Kidding, of course.)
 I don't make jokes. (Well...)
 I will kick your butt if you even look at me wrong.

 While the above isn't entirely true, it is true to a degree. If you've never met a Russian, you've never truly met a tough person. Not to mention, you've never been truly frightened, or truly entertained. They're so tough it's just hard to get around and you end up laughing about it so you can disguise the overwhelming fear that you're about to die.

 I'm Russian, so I can make racist jokes like this.

 Y'all need to meet my grandma. She's eighty-four and still perfectly normal. She frequently threatens my uncle, who lives with her, saying, "Imma punch you in da nose!" Yes, she speaks English. No, she is not losing her mind. But she is the definition of a Russian woman.

 Really, if you look it up in the dictionary, you see her picture.

 But as for someone who really looks Russian, you gotta see pictures of her parents who actually came from the "Old Country."

 And you thought I don't smile...

 In other news, my family has recently gone gluten free. My mom and my sister were both diagnosed with celiac disease, but I haven't actually figured out if I'm allergic to gluten or not. I can't stop eating pizza long enough to find out. (No, I'm not obese. Am I fat? Heh... somewhat. ;) )

 Really, though, you won't find any wheat in our house. I guess it has a lot of health benefits, and it can help you loose weight, but if I'm offered a slice of cake, I'm not gonna refuse!

 So my sister and I went food shopping today. (I drove. Yes, we made it. Would I be posting this if we died? Don't answer that...) At Walmart. If you've never seen the videos entitled "Walmartians" then you really don't know what we encounter on a daily basis while shopping at this place. Yes, there are people out there who go to Walmart on a daily basis.

 We were in line, ready to check out, and my sister sees a bag of chips and goes to read the ingredients. She wants to know if she can eat it because of aforementioned celiac disease. The kind lady in front of us who was wearing a coat that looked like the remains of a lion, starts going, "Oh, don't read the nutrition facts! That'll spoil the fun!" Where my sister retaliates, "I have celiac disease. I can't have gluten and I wanted to see if I can eat this." And Lion Lady replies, "Oh it's ok, you can just make up for it later!"

 What part of autoimmune disease don't you get? She could end up with MS, genius!

 So Lion Lady goes on to tell us that you just can't quit cold turkey. Which is weird, cause we're actually doing fine. (Except for me.) She's just jealous and insecure because my sister has a shape like a model.

 Back off, boys. I'm always packin'.

 And I'm Russian, in case you forgot.

A Very Redneck Christmas

So, the other day, we managed to put up our tree! Keep in mind, this thing is OLD and we don't have all the pieces... ever. The levels of branches are alphabetized and we never seem to have enough E's. Why don't we ever have the E's???

Anyway, the tree isn't exactly what you'd call... stable. So, to keep it in place, we tied it to the blinds behind it with... fishing wire.

Not sure if you can really see it, but it's there. It was a pain in the butt to tie.

All very redneck, don't you think? At least we didn't hang the fish on the tree and top if off with a John Deer hat, right? 

So, today was a good day. I did nothing and it was AWESOME. I rarely get a day to do nothing. We always have somewhere to go, but if you asked where it is we go all the time, I can't honestly provide an answer. There's just always something to do. But I'm perfectly content to sit on the couch all day and read Jane Eyre (I'm tackling the classics this year in school) or watch Cars. I'm a HUGE sucker for an animated movie. 

All in all, I didn't do anything horribly entertaining today, but I had a good day. =]

Random Facts and Personal Aspirations!

 One thing I forgot to put in yesterday’s entry: Katie (my sister) and I made lemon cheesecake! I was instructed to blend the cake mix, eggs, cream cheese, and sugar and I suddenly saw a deadly fate for my new white hoodie that I love so much and bought at American Eagle. (In the same shopping trip, while leaving Aeropostàle, the check-out guy was checking out my butt. I know this because he said “Happy Thanksgiving!” and I turned around to say “You too!” and his eyes were a bit too low. Maybe the back of my head is lower than I remember.)

 Anyway, it did not end disastrously! The cheesecake ended up in the bowl, and later, in my stomach.

 Let’s start with personal aspirations.

 1) Buy a cute little girl a fancy dress. Every girl wants to be a princess right?

 2) Adopt a Rottweiler and name him Baron von Blitzkrieg. A strong German dog deserves a strong German name.

 3) Go coneing or planking once in my lifetime. I don’t do anything fun or spontaneous like that.

 4) Invade a Krispy Kreme factory with my three best friends, armed with Nerf guns. We’ll give the workers an ultimatum: your doughnuts or your life. We’ll probably get arrested, though.

 5) Get married at Berkeley Plantation in southern Virginia. (I know, sappy and sentimental. But I had to get it in there.) I’m going to need a boyfriend first.

 6) Adopt an owl and name him Cletis.

 7) Marry Cletis because this “boyfriend” thing ain’t happening anytime soon.

 8) Visit Russia. Maybe live there. Who knows!

 Random facts!

 You know the lingerie store Victoria’s Secret? Well it wasn’t called “Victoria’s Secret” because the name was cool. The secret is that Victoria is a boy. Or so I’ve heard.

 The guy who invented Crayola was blind. Or so I’ve heard.

 Before I fall asleep at night, my mind puts together random words into sentences. Some of those sentences include: God drives a medical engine. Jesus uses the garden hose. Sometimes, yogurt speaks English. Don’t worry, management people of North Carolina! (I am one hundred percent serious. This happens on a regular basis.)

 Your ears and nose never stop growing.

 Bananas are herbs.

 The Revolutionary War and the Civil War both ended in Virginia. However, South Carolina started the Civil War in all respects. They were first to secede and the first official shots were fired at Fort Sumter which is on an island. The first land battle was in Manassas, Virginia.

 It takes a mile for a train to stop.

 Cats is one of the longest running Broadway musicals. But Phantom of the Opera has it beat, as it is still running and Cats ended in like, the 80s or 90s.

 My best friend can sing opera. Sort of.

 I know someone who can break dance. (Who doesn’t?)

 I also know someone who can rap better than any famous rapper! Legit.

 Scientists believe they have found a planet that has water on it. It’s called Gliese 581G and can be seen in the constellation Libra.

 Dolphins can paint. So can elephants.

 Contrary to popular belief, vampires do not sparkle.

 Also contrary to popular belief, vampires do not exist.

 Scary people come from Eastern Europe (i.e. Vlad the Impaler and Ivan the Terrible.) I can make racist jokes like this because I am, in fact, Russian. I’m German, too, so… Nazis!

 Ivan the Terrible ordered the construction of St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow. After that, he blinded the architect because he didn’t want anyone to build something as spectacular again.

 Judy Garland was only sixteen when she starred in the Wizard of Oz. Movie makers also considered Shirley Temple for the role.

 The Germans were the first to make us of the Christmas tree, or Tannenbaum.

 Fish can drown.

 Children have more taste buds than adults. So stop complaining when they say that they don’t like the broccoli.

 Chickens outnumber people in this world. Scary, right? Like, if they were smarter, we’d all probably be defeated right now and the world would be run by dinner.

 A strawberry is not an actual berry. I don’t know what it is.

 Pudding is, in fact, delicious. (That one was provided by Katie.)


hehe that was fun to put together. Next post: A Very Redneck Christmas!

Snow Days and Homeschoolers

I, being a homeschooler, have not gotten a snow day since I was like, ten. I always used to ask if I could just take the day off to play outside, but it didn't go over well with my mom. I mean, seriously, it's not like I have to take the bus to school. Unless snow magically appeared on the stairs leading to the kitchen, I was going to have to do some schoolwork.

Not that I'm complaining. On average, (I'm in high school now) it takes me about four to five hours to finish ten subjects. History takes me the longest because I just can't get past the segregationist propaganda. And it's a Christian book. And I'm Christian.

However, chemistry's going well. I learned today that one mole (used to measure mass) of marbles can cover the earth with a layer three miles thick! Or the U.S. with a layer seventy miles thick! Fierce stuff.

Trust me, I learn a lot more than that in chemistry.

I'm also taking German. And to help with the pronunciations, I'm listening to songs in German, namely songs from my favorite musical: Wicked! Or, in Germany: Wicked! Die Hexen von Oz! Turns out the musical is a big hit overseas. It's played in England, Australia, The Netherlands (they use a lot of aa's in their speech) and also Japan... Yea. Japan.

Let's be random for a moment. Anyone ever heard of Simon's Cat? Cute little animated cat that shows up on youtube from time to time? WELL, today, because he's so dang cute, I drew a picture of him and a character (Cletis the Owl) that I came up with myself.

It was ridiculously fun to draw. =]

I went to Chipotle today for lunch. I just love reading the ramble-y sayings they put on the soda cups and takeout bags. They're so entertaining! Today I read one about a man who likes to lick the foil wrapper after he finishes the burrito... yup. I do the same thing. Who doesn't?
And their chips are to die for! But my sister, Katie, didn't want to get them today. I was sad. But then I got my burrito and I was happy! Some foods just make you feel good, ya know?

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only choose three items to have with you on that island, what would you choose? I know what I would choose! A fully-stocked Chipotle restaurant. That's it. Because it has food, shelter, and a bathroom. Would I need anything else? A cell phone, maybe, but why would I want to leave when I have my own personal Chipotle restaurant and no annoying people who are way too picky about what they put on their burritos to get in my way? (True story: today a lady behind me specifically ordered "Only a LITTLE bit of guacamole. Just a little. No, less!" She must have told the poor food-maker guy like five times.) Life would be sweet!

Until I ran out of food. Then I'd die a slow painful death and realize that I should have brought a phone, too, so I could call for help and return to civilization and picky burrito-eaters and have more Chipotle before I die as a very old lady.

What can I say? I'm in love.

OK, tomorrow's post: Random Facts and Personal Aspirations.

Thanks for reading!

Journals...

I'm here to tell anyone who's interested about my life. :)
I'll try to come up with witty, random, completely entertaining, and completely true events/musings to post. So here's the first one:

Anyone notice that a journal is used to jot down those private feelings that you wouldn't say to anyone? Yup, I noticed it too. Funny, I can never be honest in a journal and I find it much easier to post something on a blog where random strangers that I will never pass on the street can read it. I mean, it's not like I'm going see someone who's been keeping up with my entertaining life and they're going to point at me and laugh about how I cried like a baby while watching Titanic. Don't go there. I know you all cried during that movie.

Well that was fun. Let me tell you about my day. I had a lot of weird experiences.

Lately, we've been unearthing all the old Christmas decorations and making the house look festive so I decided to bring up my little three-foot tree and set it up in my room. Normally, this makes me feel so Christmas-y. I put on my fuzzy pajama pants and a comfy sweater and drink hot chocolate while decorating and listening to Christmas music that was recorded in the 40s and no one has bothered to re-record since. But today, it was roughly 68 degrees outside and I thought to myself that it felt more like Halloween. Which was a depressing thought because I had only just gotten back from our annual shopping/Thanksgiving vacation to a cute little town three hours away and nothing does more to get me into the Christmas spirit. (We did not attempt Black Friday shopping. You know, stores intentionally raise the prices so they can lower them on Black Friday, so you're really not saving, you're just risking you life for that cheesy reindeer sweater that you can get for the same price on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's not like your niece is going to like it anyway.)

Later, I found myself reading Dash and Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan and a gnat landed on my open page. Knee-jerk reaction: I blew him off. Hard. And instantly regretted it.
You see, I, being named Natalie, have formed a strange and special bond with gnats. Whenever they land on or near me I name them and watch them until they fly away. Needless to say, I was depressed at this unusual homicidal attempt of mine. But I saw his shadow cross my page only a few minutes later and I felt happy. I think he's taken up residence in my room, though. I've seen him before. I'm OK with the fact that he wants to live with me, honored, really, but for all my eight-legged friends out there: I must stubbornly insist that if you stubbornly insist to live in my house, you must pay rent. And avoid making any personal appearances, in which case I will scream, grab the Raid, and murder you. Or as my dad said, "Make your grandchildren radioactive." Please, also avoid biting my dog as she is twelve years old and we're breaking records here. Also, DO NOT bite my sister. That happened once and she had a rash the size of a watermelon on her leg. Not happening again.
And for the ticks: I have no sympathy for you and will not accept your residence, even if you pay. Go live on the streets.

So after, because the weather was so incredible, my sister and I went out on our ATV where we found a dead possum in the road. It's a little scary thinking that something could be behind you in the dark and you have no idea what it may do to you when it catches up to you. I am not, in fact, afraid of possi (is that the plural?) but when we drove back, we started wondering if it was only just playing dead. Which freaked me out more. My sister then posted a disturbing photo of a possum to my facebook and I will have nightmares. And thus ended my eventfully random day.

Right now I'm watching one of my favorite shows: Mike & Molly. Hilariously entertaining. Molly was just informing us that she enjoyed going to regular baseball games with her father and I started thinking "Don't you just love those family traditions?"

Good stuff.

Hope you found this entertaining!

Next post: Snow days and Homeschoolers